Slang Flashcards: Set 2

Yo, dawgs! What up? If you’ve been chillin’ on conditional condition before, you probably know about the dope slang flashcards page (all props go to Knock Knock). Aiight, I’ve got quite a stash of these cards in the crib and thought that there’s no need to keep these on the D.L., so I’ve decided to share a few more with you from time to time. Why would I front, when I can bring it? Here’s set 2 (click a pic to see a close-up), but there’s more crunk ones to come down the line. Holla at me if you think these are all that. Peace!

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Smoke Vulture Brains?

Need to win a wager? Just smoke some vulture brains.

That’s what South African gamblers have been doing to have visions of the future, whether they need to win the lotto, ace an exam or make decisions on how to develop a business. Now, with the World Cup in South Africa, this practice of consuming vulture brains seems to be garnering world wide attention as demand for vulture brain increases with all the bets being placed on the World Cup matches.

According to South African traditional medicine, muti, one can receive premonitions from smoking dried vulture brains. The ground bits of the birds’ brains are mixed with tobacco and then smoked to help the user predict future outcomes of life’s events. Apparently this stems from the fact that vultures fly high in the sky and have excellent vision, which helps them see clearly across great distances.  Supposedly, this optical attribute extends to seeing into the future as humans ingest the smoke of the vulture gray matter.

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Turn Signal Tactics

Why do so many drivers these days act as if they possess no common courtesy for others on the roadways? Does having control of a ton or more of motorized metal compel people to be pricks? Being behind the wheel turns off the kindness switch in so many people that I’d say we’re in the midst of an epidemic. It’s not something that afflicts everyone; yet, it occurs so frequently that I believe that we’re moving from pandemic phase five to the worldwide catastrophic phase six of aggressive automobile acrimony. I guess you could just call it road rage, but that would be too easy.

Well, over the past few years of my life, I’ve lived and driven in Washington, DC, southern California and now Abu Dhabi in the UAE. Driving in each of these three locations appears to be a hazard to one’s health and it’s due to the increasing number of selfish, power-tripping vehicular stupers (which is short for remarkably stupid persons). I’m particularly miffed by one inane driving behavior prevalent in all three of these areas: cutting off people who signal to turn into one’s lane. In these locales, tumultuous turn signal tactics are a daily occurrence and I have fallen victim to this punk-ass behavior far too many times.

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Questionnaire: How Was Your 2009?

Well, 2009 has reached its final days. While this may sadden some, others couldn’t wait soon enough for this moment to arrive. It seems like many more people experience lows than highs this year, but let’s see if that holds true among the conditional cognition readers. Respond to the series of questions below regarding your experience in 2009 (be sure to click the “vote” button after your selection). Then, you can compare results with others after each response. Maybe it wasn’t that bad for everyone after all. I guess we’ll see…

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Did Someone Really Send That Text Message?

Sometimes we send text messages we wish hadn’t. It may have been due to a sudden emotional reaction, miss-dialing from your contacts, lack of thought, or something akin to drunk dialing. Whatever the reason, almost all of us have done it at some point during the time we’ve possessed a cell phone and ended up feeling like Little Miss Whoops.

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What Does An American Look Like?

US flagI guess that I don’t look all that American to Americans. On my second day here in Abu Dhabi I was waiting in the lobby of my residence building with a couple dozen teachers who are in my program. I wasn’t feeling particularly social, so I sat alone on the side of the lobby. Regardless, the lobby was densely packed and one couldn’t avoid being more than a couple feet away from another person. I think anyone who entered and observed the language and demeanor of the people would assume that all in the lobby were part of the same group: Americans.

At this point, I’ve previously spoken to a few of my new colleagues, but I hadn’t met everyone. As I sat there, a group of four women in the program stepped out of the elevator and began making their rounds greeting all the teachers in the lobby. Interestingly, I was excluded from these kind formalities.

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Chocolate In Ya Ear- The Introduction

Earlier this evening I was listening to Fight The Power off a Public Enemy compilation CD that brought back one of my favorite momeearnts in time: being a radio dj for the show Chocolate in Ya Ear. chocolate-sound2Although this was a small town college radio show with a couple of my buddies, we aired the smoothest grooving mix of rap, reggae, soul, funk and any other chocolaty genres of music.

We’d typically kick the show off with something that would make you want to get up off your feet and shake that groove thang. A jam such as James Brown’s Super Bad would launch the hour-long chocolate explosion into the ears of our listeners and then we’d follow it up with our intro theme song, Flava in Ya Ear, by Craig Mack. After our two kick off tracks, Mackadonna, Crza and I would drop a few thoughts or perspectives on things. Mostly, we acted a fool; yet, I think wise foolsthe-message we were. Nevertheless, we kept the funky jams steady bumping with a track like The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.

Keep in mind that Chocolate In Ya Ear doesn’t reference the color of the artists, rather the flavor and texture of the dope sounds. That bittersweet, silky smooth richness that tickles the eardrum, thumps the soul and probably causes a twitch in the hip if the bass is kicking properly.

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